In 2012, I am hosting the Non-Fiction Non-Memoir Reading Challenge, and one of the books I'll be reading is 30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans by Karl A. Pillemer, Ph.D. I'm looking forward to reading the book. In the meantime, I wanted to share a guest post by the author. I love this advice!
Top 10 Lessons for Living from the Wisest Americans
By Karl A. Pillemer, Ph.D.,
adapted from 30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans
By Karl A. Pillemer, Ph.D.,
adapted from 30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans
In
contemporary society, we don’t often ask our elders for advice. We’re
much more likely to talk to professionals, read books by pop
psychologists or motivational speakers, or troll the internet for
solutions to our problems. In general (and for the first time in human
history), we no longer look to our society’s oldest members as a key
source of wisdom for how to live happier, healthier, and more fulfilling
lives.
As a gerontologist, I have come to believe that this attitude is a serious mistake. Older individuals (especially persons age 70 and beyond), are in fact the most credible experts we have available for knowledge about how to live well through hard times. They have been through unique historical experiences – such as the Great Depression and World War II – that have taught them how to thrive in the face of adversity. And they have personally experienced many of the tragedies younger people dread, giving them the ability to advise the rest of us about resilience in the face of illness and loss.
Over the past 6 years, I’ve conducted a research project designed to tap the practical wisdom of older Americans. Using several different social science methods, I’ve collected responses from over 1200 elders to the question: “Over the course of your life, what are the most important lessons you would like to pass on to younger people.” I then combed through the responses, and the result was a set of lessons for living from the people I have called “the wisest Americans.”
As I look back over years of talking with America’s elders, 10 lessons stand out as those they would like to convey to young people. Read these “Top 10 Lessons for Living” and see how they apply to your own life.
As a gerontologist, I have come to believe that this attitude is a serious mistake. Older individuals (especially persons age 70 and beyond), are in fact the most credible experts we have available for knowledge about how to live well through hard times. They have been through unique historical experiences – such as the Great Depression and World War II – that have taught them how to thrive in the face of adversity. And they have personally experienced many of the tragedies younger people dread, giving them the ability to advise the rest of us about resilience in the face of illness and loss.
Over the past 6 years, I’ve conducted a research project designed to tap the practical wisdom of older Americans. Using several different social science methods, I’ve collected responses from over 1200 elders to the question: “Over the course of your life, what are the most important lessons you would like to pass on to younger people.” I then combed through the responses, and the result was a set of lessons for living from the people I have called “the wisest Americans.”
As I look back over years of talking with America’s elders, 10 lessons stand out as those they would like to convey to young people. Read these “Top 10 Lessons for Living” and see how they apply to your own life.
- Choose a career for the intrinsic rewards, not the financial ones.
Although many grew up in poverty, the elders believe that the biggest
career mistake people make is selecting a profession based only on
potential earnings. A sense of purpose and passion for one’s work beats a
bigger paycheck any day.
- Act now like you will need your body for a hundred years: Stop
using “I don’t care how long I live” as an excuse for bad health
habits. Behaviors like smoking, poor eating habits and inactivity are
less likely to kill you than to sentence you to years or decades of
chronic disease. The elders have seen the devastation that a bad
lifestyle causes in the last decades of life – act now to prevent it.
- Say “Yes” to opportunities: When
offered a new opportunity or challenge, you are much less likely to
regret saying yes and more likely to regret turning it down. They
suggest you take a risk and a leap of faith when opportunity knocks.
- Choose a mate with extreme care: The
key is not to rush the decision, taking all the time needed to get to
know the prospective partner and to determine your compatibility with
them. Said one respondent: “Don’t rush in without knowing each other
deeply. That’s very dangerous, but people do it all the time.”
- Travel more: Travel
while you can, sacrificing other things if necessary to do so. Most
people look back on their travel adventures (big and small) as
highlights of their lives and regret not having traveled more. As one
elder told me, “If you have to make a decision whether you want to
remodel your kitchen or take a trip—well, I say, choose the trip!”
- Say it now: People
wind up saying the sad words “it might have been” by failing to express
themselves before it’s too late. The only time you can share your
deepest feelings is while people are still alive. According to an elder
we spoke with: “If you have a grudge against someone, why not make it
right, now? Make it right because there may not be another opportunity,
who knows? So do what you can do now.
- Time is of the essence: Live
as though life is short—because it is. The point is not to be depressed
by this knowledge but to act on it, making sure to do important things
now. The older the respondent, the more likely they were to say that
life goes by astonishingly quickly. Said one elder: “I wish I’d learned
that in my thirties instead of in my sixties!”
- Happiness is a choice, not a condition: Happiness
isn’t a condition that occurs when circumstances are perfect or nearly
so. Sooner or later you need to make a deliberate choice to be happy in
spite of challenges and difficulties. One elder echoed almost all the
others when she said: ““My single best piece of advice is to take
responsibility for your own happiness throughout your life.”
- Time spent worrying is time wasted: Stop
worrying. Or at least cut down. It’s a colossal waste of your precious
lifetime. Indeed, one of the major regrets expressed by the elders was
time wasted worrying about things that never happened.
- Think small: When it comes to making the most of your life, think small. Attune yourself to simple daily pleasures and learn to savor them now.
And if you learn something valuable from an elder, or your own family elders would like to share their advice, you can add it to our website http://legacyproject.human.cornell.edu/give-your-advice/ and be entered for a chance to win $100 Amazon gift card, now through December 31st!
About the Author:
Karl A. Pillemer, Ph.D - Karl Pillemer is a professor of human development at Cornell University and Professor of Gerontology in Medicine at the Weill Cornell Medical College. An internationally renowned gerontologist, his research examines how people develop and change throughout their lives. He has authored five books and over 100 scientific publications, and speaks throughout the world on aging-related issues.
After a chance encounter with a remarkable 90-year old woman, Dr. Pillemer decided to find out what older people know about life that the rest of us don't. His quest led him to ask more than a thousand older Americans their advice for living. He asked about all the big issues - love, marriage, children, work, happiness, avoiding regrets. This 6-year project led to the book: 30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans, published by Hudson Street Press in November 2011.
For more information on the The Legacy Project, please:
Visit the blog: http://legacyproject.human.cornell.edu
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Follow author Karl Pillemer on Twitter
I find this very interesting. The tips are great!
ReplyDeleteWow...practically all ten of these suggestions are things that I should make an effort to do...great advice :)
ReplyDelete